Picking up where Pornucopia left off, our hero Prior Gross receives word that his ideal woman, whom he never knew existed, is in trouble! Off he goes to the Land of Fartingale where farts are magic!
A rollicking good time!
Twenty-one times New York Times Bestselling Author
Piers Anthony is one of the world's most prolific and popular authors. His fantasy Xanth novels have been read and loved by millions of readers around the world, and have been on the New York Times Best Seller list twenty-one times.
Although Piers is mostly known for fantasy and science fiction, he has written several novels in other genres as well, including historical fiction, martial arts, and horror. Piers lives with his wife in a secluded woods hidden deep in Central Florida.
Prior was bored. It had been a year since his great adventure on Mt. Icecream, where he had challenged the five deadly branches of the Cherry Tree, won the remarkable Spire, and finally recovered his small natural penis. He would hardly care to do that again, but had to admit that ordinary existence was downright dull in comparison.
Well, there was nothing wrong with dullness that couldn’t be cured by a good outrageous fuck. He would have to go out to the slots, though he really craved something a bit more romantic. But he had no girlfriend, and high quality call girls were beyond his means. So he girded his loin for something considerably less enticing.
His doorbell rang. He sighted through the peephole and saw a comely but moderately severe young woman holding a rich bouquet. What was this? He hadn’t ordered any flowers. It must be a mistake.
He opened the door. “I think you have the wrong—”
“Prior Gross?” the woman inquired crisply.
“From a secret admirer,” she said, putting the bouquet into his hand. The blooms had a strong aroma that threatened to intoxicate his outlook.
He saw no identifying card. “What admirer?”
She wedged by him and stood inside the room, closing the door behind her. “Me.”
This was highly flattering, but surely still a mistake. “Do I know you?”
“Just call me Suzie.”
“Look, Suzie, I’m just an ordinary guy with no money to spare, so if you figure to charge me some outrageous fee for a spot dalliance, forget it.”
She gazed at him, her eyes turning round. Then they brimmed. “Oh!” she sobbed. “You think I’m one of those types.” She hid her face in her hands. She looked younger than he had taken her for, and far less composed.
Prior felt like a well-worn heel. “I’m sorry,” he said. “Of course you’re not.”
She continued to sniffle into her handkerchief, which seemed to have appeared from nowhere. “I just wanted to please you with my, my flowers, because you’re such a nice man, and you hate me.”
“I don’t!” he said, putting his arm around her heaving shoulders. “I don’t know what got into me. How can I make it up to you?”
“I just want you to like me,” she said tearfully. “You’re so wonderful.”
What could he do? “Of course I like you,” he said gallantly. “I just think you’ve got the wrong, um, address.”
“But aren’t you the great man who conquered the Cherry Tree and won the Spire?”
Had she been reading his private thoughts? “Well, yes. But aside from that, I’m nobody.”
“You’re still my hero!” She looked up at him, her eyes seeming larger and brighter. “I just know you’re the one.”
There was still something missing here. “The one for what?”
“The one to take my innocent maidenhood and make me a real woman. I so much want it to be you. Promise me you’ll be gentle.”
This put a different complexion on it. “You came here for your first sexual experience?”
“I just know it will be better with you than with anyone else. Because you know it all, and I know nothing. Please say you’ll do it.”
Yet this was remarkably sudden. What was the catch? “I’m not sure this is smart.”
Her eyes filled again. “You think I’m repulsive!”
“No, you’re not!” Indeed, her figure under her dress was robust, with her breasts swelling eagerly.
“Oh, thank you, Mr. Gross! Tell me what to do.”
“You really want this? Sex with me?”
“With all my heart!” Indeed, her pulse was showing in her neck, making her breasts quiver under the tight nightie.